We Beat On...

The title from this post comes from the closing lines of F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby: 'So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past'. A long way of saying 'keep calm and carry on'.


The Great Gatsby is one of my favourite books. I love how tragically glamorous everything is: Gatsby and Daisy are perfectly formed characters crumbling to pieces in front of the stunning backdrop of the lake. I can't help but get swept along all the way to its terrible conclusion and when I get to the end I can't help but starting again.

But on my camping adventure I wasn't reading F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, I was reading Joseph Conrad's The Secret Agent at the side of a lake in an unknown location, slowly melting due to the intense heat. I wasn't enjoying myself.

We'd left the previous day for our surprise camping adventure. It had taken an age to get to wherever we had got to (I still don't know - if you recognise the pictures, answers on a postcard at the usual address) and because it was so last minute we hadn't pre-booked. We tried all the campsites in the area and drew a massive blank - they were chocca-blocca with Dutch people.

The problem wasn't as grave as you might think (though I would have preferred it to have been so we could have turned round to go back to Brescia); we were in our own home! All we needed to do was park up and everything would be just dandy.

We found a car park and did just that. Now I don't know if you've ever spent a night (or even two) in a box with four other people but I can tell you it's not much fun at all. So the next morning we'd gone lakeside to sunbathe and chillax. We can now pick up from where I left it earlier...

I wasn't having much fun at all. I would read a bit then look out at the view: something about it haunted me.

 I don't know what it was about that view in particular, but I was struck by that same feeling I had when I read The Great Gatsby. In my head the lake where Gatsby lives is pretty much identical to this so I suppose it's no surprise that I ended up linking the two together.

That might not be all. The 1% of my subconscious that regretted my decision was growing by the minute and I was hit with the inevitability that Gatsby and Daisy were subjected to. I realised I'd made a mistake and I should have gone to Cinque Terre with Kitty and the others. Don't get me wrong. I love my family and I was really touched by their kindness, but this wasn't what I really wanted.

The location may have been stunning, but I couldn't relax. I was starting to miss Kitty and the others and realised that I'd made the wrong decision. It was at that point I resolved never to take the easy way out again on my year abroad.

On the way back to Brescia I was a little desperate. Everyone was a little tired and short-tempered due to the lack of sleep and a proper house. I closed my eyes and thought of the song Whatever by Oasis. I love this song and much like The Great Gatsby it struck a familiar chord with me at the time: 'I'm free to do whatever I, whatever I choose and I'll sing the blues if I want'. In that moment the song appeared on the radio of the campervan. My family didn't register and so I sat there enjoying it and coming to terms with my poor decision.

That evening I showered and got myself ready to leave the next morning. By then I was ready to leave. I hadn't been before, but at least I could go without regretting it, which may have counterbalanced the regret of not going to Cinque Terre.